Digging the hole...

My Saturday hilly runs are turning into my deep thought days... :) :)

The subjects of discourse (with myself) this Saturday covered:

1. What my coach means when I am "training to train" right now, and
2. How useful or beneficial the mind truly is in relation to the body.

I like to play devil's advocate in my head on these runs -- with myself and the world at large. I find it mentally refreshing to argue against something that everyone takes for granted...

For example -- this whole business of staying present and repeating mantras to help one focus on the present. It just doesn't do it for me. Now before anyone gets their hackles up (or their panties in a knot, LOL!) please refer to the latter --- It doesn't do it FOR ME.

I have much greater success at staying in the moment so-to-speak when I turn my mind completely off. No thoughts, no emotions, nothing. Just the sounds of my body working, breathing. No static, no struggling with my mind, just silence.

Which naturally led me to question the often assumed *fact* that our minds control our bodies. What if the opposite is true? What if it is the body that has all the answers and the mind just gets in the way and rationalizes and then takes credit?

I've never had any success with the whole "The Secret" thing -- to me it was too, ummmm contrived. Something felt missing. As I was flipping channels on the boob tube one night I came across a PBS special with Dr. Wayne Dyer. He said that he has a different take on "The Secret." That you don't attract what you want, you attract what you are. BEAUTIFUL! Now that is something that rang true within me.

Back to my rambling -- Every time I have had a deep intuitive sense about something and it has been right (instincts are always right -- unless they are clouded by the mind) , it has been my BODY telling my MIND that danger was near/something was going to happen/etc.

I have always thought that animals are superior in intellgence to humans. Yeah, yeah, yeah so a dog can't work at a manufacturing plant and type a blog on the computer or drill for oil. The intelligence I am referring to is the kind that we humans like to easily dismiss because we don't understand it. The sort of intelligence that allows teeny little birds to *know* when and where to migrate and dogs to sniff out an individual cancer cell...

We humans like to lump examples like these under the umbrella term of "instinct." As if somehow that was a rudimentary form of intelligence -- something base, primordial, inferior.

While I'm at it, why is it assumed that we are the only creatures aware of oursleves. How does anyone REALLY know? It's like no one really knows what happens when we die...

OK -- so that was one of the discussions I had with myself. LOL!

The second topic dealt with my coach's explanation of my training plan... This was exciting stuff! Sara explained that now I am at the first step -- that I am literally training to train. Training my body to be able to handle REAL training.

In my mind I visualize myself digging a deep, deep hole. For a well. I see myself every day digging a little deeper, making the hole round and true. The next step will be lining the well with rocks -- every day I will be able to nestle another smooth rock into the walls of my well.

In time, my well will be complete and I will finally have access to the sweet water lying at the bottom of my well. There will be times when I can throw a bucket down there and haul up the water I need. But, most importantly, there will be times when I will have the ability to go down into the depths of my well and climb back out of it.

I am learning that no matter how hard I *thought* Ironman was, no matter how hard I *thought* I pushed myself; I see that there is a whole other realm of pushing myself. Of depths waiting to be discovered and tested. (This realization came one afternoon as I lay drooling on the couch, yet I wasn't even sleeping. I am not joking.)

I don't talk about how "hard" or "easy" a workout is now. Because (again, for ME) the words "hard" and "easy" automatically have emotional meaning attached to them. Besides which, my subjective interpretation of a workout is just that --- subjective. And apt to change. I don't want to limit my growth by assigning limits in the forms of words (and emotional connections).

I am also learning that the fitter I get the deeper I can push myself and the harder a workout becomes. It's hard to explain. I really did feel like I was giving it all I had before I met Sara, but the fact is, I wasn't. You know that commercial where a Mom is telling her baby she's going to eat a french fry and the baby hits her in the forehead - that V8 commercial? I feel like I get bopped in the head all the time! LOL!!!