Monday, January 31, 2011

The Red Finger

I was finally inspired to make a new blog entry today...I'd written a friend an email, and LO! I was struck with inspiration.

This is my inspiration......or shall I say my confession?

I have a raging hunger that goes on in my belly all the time. Ever since I started this Ironman thing, my appetite has literally grown exponentially. When I first met my better half, he used to pick off my plate: according to him I "ate like a bird."

I honestly don't remember things that way. I've always enjoyed food, and I don't want to give the impression that before Ironman, I picked at my food. I ate with gusto. I still do. However, the quantities of food that I can eat now scares me sometimes.

I'll eat just about anything when the hunger starts. Like a garburetor. Throw it down the chute. I'm not picky. I don't care if there is a little mold on the bread. I'll pick it off.


The time at the Penticton Phat camp (2 years ago) where I ate green potatos (because I didn't want to throw them out) and got such bad gas on the ensuing bike ride, that when I thought I was alone (at a set of lights in Penticton) I let one rip....and saw to my horror, a woman sitting outside her place -- on the patio. Her head whipped around, and I made some lame joke. Oh my GAWD, my face was beet red -- thank goodness I had my sunglasses and helmet on...they made me feel protected. Eeeeeeeeep.

I digress...

I'd like to address one of my hunger's serious attacks. I call it, The Craving. The Craving will hit me out of the blue....well not right out of the blue. I mean, there is obviously a reason for The Craving (like a 3 hour hilly bike ride) or a big training week; however, for some reason, the clarity and insight with which I (like to think) I apply to other aspects of my life completely disappear when it comes to The Craving.

When The Craving hits, I go out of my mind. It's like a light switch is flipped inside of me and I go barreling through the kitchen cupboards, the freezer, the fridge...looking. Looking for something --- anything to satisfy The Craving.

Like most good little athletes, I make a point not to purchase junk food -- because I will eat it if it is in the house. This strategy is very good for nutritional purposes but not so good for The Craving. Because The Craving will always hit at the most inopportune time. Like when it is minus 40 frigging below and I really really want some ketchup chips but I don't want to go the store.

So I search the cupboards instead. Knowing there is nothing there, but looking nonetheless. Well, that is not entirely accurate. There is always something there, and I can get pretty creative (in a very gross way) when it comes to addressing The Craving.

Like yesterday...I opened all the cupboards, searching, searching. And then I found a half used can of Gatorade powder. Oh yeah baby. I took that tub and I licked my finger and I dunked it in there again and again. Licking the powder off my finger like a popsicle.

Oh man, I couldn't stop. It wasn't exactly GREAT. But it was GOOD. Mmmmm. Unfortunately, the red dye that was in the Gatorade powder dyed my entire forefinger bright red. As well as my tongue. But I can hide my tongue. I can't hide my finger.

My finger nail was dyed red too. And no amount scrubbing and washing could remove the redness. What the heck is in that powder anyways?!?!?!

For the rest of the day my finger reproached me. When I would type an email, the bright red finger stood out amongst my other white fingers. I didn't want to go out in public -- someone might see my finger and ask, "Why is your one finger so red?"

Or even worse, people might not say anything at all. I can just see it -- me standing in line at the grocery store, putting all my items on the conveyor belt trying to use my right forefinger as little as possible (I'm right-handed). Then, catching people looking at my finger of shame. Seeing the "WTF?" expression in their eyes. And then not saying anything to me. AAARRRGGHHHH!