Friday, October 17, 2008

Oh yes, it's crab apple time again...

Those of you who know me, even a little, know how much I HATE crab apples. I mean REALLY HATE them. In fact, if there is a word stronger than hate, I'd definitely apply it to them.

Let me enlighten you all about the joyful experiences of owning crab apple trees and white carpets. The only good thing about these trees are the blossoms in the spring and the shade they provide in the summer. Apart from that -- the stinking mess they leave in the fall and winter is gross. (If I slip up and start calling them cranberries, just ignore me - I do it all the time.)

From a crab apple virgin's perspective, I often hear, "What's the big deal? Just pick them up when they fall down." Ahhh, my little neophyte, you know so little about crab apples. You see, you only have a limited amount of time to pick the crab apples, and a limited reach. (I don't own scaffolding, so I can only reach as high as the top rung of my ladder.) The goal is to pick as many apples as possible BEFORE the first frost otherwise it's game over.

And every year, it's game over. There is no way to win. The first frost hits and the apples turn to instant mush. They will fall from the trees and lie there on the ground looking deceptively solid...until you bend to pick one up. Instant disintegration! All over your hands and shoes. The worst is getting nailed by falling crab apple bombs. With the winds being what they are here, you never know when a 100km/hour blast is going to strike just when you are trying to navigate the walkway to your car to go to work. SPLAT!!! Cranberries on my shoulder, my face, and yes even on my head -- then turn around and head inside for ANOTHER clothes change.

And the dogs!!! They like to go and lie down in the front yard, hence their rears are covered in sticky crab apple mush. They get nailed from the apple bombs too -- I have to continually wipe their faces and ears. Plus, I am the idiot that INSISTED on white carpets when we moved in!!!! AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!

Every year, the saga continues...One year, Mike bought some rolls of black lawn fabric to try and "catch" the apples as they fell. With the winds here, we had to nail the stuff down. It wasn't too long before a few edges ripped free and the stuff would be flapping in the wind all the time. It didn't really work.

This year, it's as gross as ever. We are in the process of re-siding our humble abode, and the guy that has been doing all the work has joked about how it feels like he is stepping in dog poop all the time. There's nothing like the feeling of sinking your foot into a nice squishy pile of crab apples. They get right into the grooves of your shoes, or my personal favourite, they sneak up the sides of your shoes so you don't notice until you leave a trail of jam at the local grocery store.

This morning, I employed a relatively new tactic Mike has developed over the past few years...spray the walkway with water and dodge the falling apples.

It worked all right -- note the semi-clean pathway....

This next picture illustrates the magnitude of my crab apple mess! LOL!!!

And finally, here is a pic of our house in progress. Note the old brick-siding that we discovered underneath. LOL!! It's a!! LOL!! Toby (my little princess) is in the corner with her frisbee helping me with the crab apples.

Training is going so very awesome! I had my first official brick (a brick in the brick house, LOL!)of the season yesterday. YAY!! Completed my regular Friday, Spit-up Day routine today with nary a burp. Everyone at the pool has finally "gotten" that I can't chat it up when I swim like a mad fool from one end of the pool to the other and have only 15 seconds to recover. :) :) :)



Happy weekend everyone!!!!


streaker said...

Sadly I made the same mistake with the white carpets at my house too! So pretty when kept flawless.

Not to be too nosey nosey but I believe there was a promise of a schedule viewing...

Cath said...

Blimey - just look at the house - good job you put a pic up otherwise I'd have been driving right by looking for your place.....looks great!

People and chatting in the pool - what's that all about!

Solution to the crab apples - cut the tree down....that's what we did - though it was also to stop the bears coming into town and then getting shot! Sounds a bit extreme, but it's true....

Julie said...

You are right Kelsey -- I'll be sending you a peek asap! :) :)

Cath -- the only thing is that they provide much needed shade for the doggies in the summer. Otherwise, my front lawn would be a sharp, prickly desert like the back. The birds come first, the deer next, and unfortunately we did have one bear 2 years ago.

However, is was a neighbour who purposely left food out FOR THE BEARS if you can believe it!!! And they have two kids too!

Susi said...

oh please oh please don't cut the tree down!!! okay, granted i don't have to deal with the crab apples, but i just love trees. haha.

hey, didn't kelly have a recipe for crab apple moonshine?!

Kelly B. said...

Eek...could you not cut the tree down and plant something else next spring? The recipe for the moonshine was 4 litre pail full of apples, 40 oz of vodka, 40 days...flip it every day. I have never tried it and I would think there should be some sugar in there...but this is what I remember!!!