Saturday, January 3, 2009

I hate snow

Reasons why I hate the snow in the Crowsnest Pass:

1. Because I HAVE to shovel -- Mike's back is permanently damaged so the onus is on me.

2. Because no matter how times I shovel, the 100km/hour winds always blow it back.

3. Because picking up dog poop in the back yard is nigh impossible. The unpredictable winds blast snow all around the backyard forming HUGE dunes of snow. There is one hill of snow that has formed between my house and the neighbour's -- it is so high, you can literally step over the fence to get into their yard. Now, after navigating through this, try hunkering down with a little metal spoon and a garbage bag whipping in the wind. Don't be fooled people, digging out frozen dog poop and getting it in the bag the first time is an art form...

4. Because the new snowplow operator must be either high or a 12 year old --- huge burms are left randomly in the middle of the street. (No offense to twelve year olds intended...)

Mike and I employ the same strategy every winter -- when the plow comes, we hurry outside and move our vehicles to one side and then the other -- that way we have minimal digging to do. We have three vehicles: an old minivan that just won't die, my car, and Mike's work truck.

Sometimes, however, our strategy is not enough. Plows don't operate on the weekends, and after two days of heavy snowfall and blasting wind to really pile it up, we have to be on the ball to move our vehicles when the plow eventually arrives. That's the other thing -- you never know when this guy is going to arrive.

So, the inevitable happened. We moved the van and the truck only to have more snow and then get plowed in. This morning, I got up early and decided I would warm up the vehicles while attacking the huge piles of snow, ice, and assorted snow/ice chunks. Once I cleared a path, I could move the vehicles out. I managed to get the truck out first. The van gave me a lot of problems.

I would get so far out with the van and then the tires would spin like a roulette wheel. And the van has studded tires too!! In between me cursing at the ice and getting out to attack more snow, the van automatically locked me out. SHIT!!

I had to phone our local tow truck guy this morning, and get him out of bed. I have a CAA card and he is the local CAA dude, but I still felt like a total shit for waking him up on a Saturday morning. At least it was 8:00am and not any earlier!

Here's the rub -- we had to call the same guy 3 days ago because Mike accidentally locked his keys in the van. We are getting another set of keys made today...

Man -- I can't wait to hop on my bike later today and dream of summer weather. :) :)


John Prince said...


It's winter in Canada
And the gentle breezes blow
Seventy miles an hour
At thirty-five below.

Oh, how I love Canada
When the snow's up to your butt
You take a breath of winter
And your nose gets frozen shut.

Yes, the weather here is wonderful
So I guess I'll hang around
I could never leave Canada
I'm frozen to the friggin' ground!

Have a great day...

Charlie Browne said...

Jules, some days it is just easier to forgo everything and just jump on the bike!!

Susi said...

awesome poem! haha.

Jules, you and Mike are welcome to hide up here for a while. Still friggin cold, but the winds seem to be under control...for now.

We should move to the carribean and form a triathlon least for the winter months.

Kelly B. said...

That is a great poem!! I remember the frozen dog poop...we had a beagle for several years...that part of owning a furry friend sucks...and sign me up for the tropical commune...

Keith said...

At least they plow your street. Get off the bus routes in Calgary, and you're risking everything on the bottom of your car. I had to drive down one street on the ridges between the tire tracks.

Better frozen than fresh, though with those temps and wind, that situation doesn't last long.

Having vehicles lock themselves really pisses me off. When the trunk of our car is open, the doors insist on locking themselves. No idea why.
Hang in there, a chinook has to come soon, any month now....

D.M. McGowan said...

1. You can't shovel 12 inches of rain.
2. Hundred klm. winds? Nice to hear you have a few calm days in the Crowsnest Pass.