There I was at the mall in the *city* earlier this week. I don't think I'd been there in at least 3 years...
I wanted to get some super rich body butter from The Body Shop to help combat my tight and painful swimming skin. I had found a tub of body butter on Mike's side of the medicine cabinet thingie and when I tried it, I was sold.
The sales girl was trained well -- she was up-selling me like crazy, I can't resist the "buy two get one free" deal you know? Hee-hee! So I ask her if she could recommend an uber rich facial moisturizer. She runs through all the product lines, but I still want more moisture. More creaminess. My face is in that chlorinated pool and my freaking eyebrows are turning blonde. I NEED MOISTURE!
She directs me to the line called "Wise Woman." Hahahahaha! Nice way to say Old Fart product line. I ask if there is stuff with SPF in that line, and she says, "No, I guess older people don't go outside that much." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! My response, "Well, that's not very wise is it?" See, I thought my retort was supremely witty, but when I am the only laughing at my joke, I guess it wasn't....
The gal then starts to describe why this line will work for me. As we age, she tells me, my skin is like a raisin. I swear my spine shot up straight and I almost burst out laughing. She explained how added moisture will make my skin like a grape. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I couldn't hold back any longer. Oh man, I'm a raisin!!!!!! LMAO!!!!
Onto the embarrassing episode at the lung function clinic later that day....
I was sitting in this little cubicle thingie. It's almost like a teeny tiny car with a seat and windows all around, but no wheel or gas pedal. Just a contraption with a hose and a collapsible arm and an end piece you blow into for their measurements. I'd done similar tests last week, so I knew I was supposed to wrap my lips around the end piece to seal off the air and breathe through my mouth whilst my nose was clipped shut.
There was a male med student there that day doing his observation thing.
The woman in charge ran through the instructions and got me set up in the cubicle. When she told me to place my mouth on the end piece, I did the same as what I did last week...
Except this time, the woman, shouted (she was a guffawing and boisterous person, so "shouting" is not an exaggeration) "WHOA! You don't need to swallow it!"
Oh. My. God. My face went beet red and of course I had to look at the male med student. To his credit he decided to adopt the "I-didn't-hear-anything-and-am-happily-oblivious" look.
Seriously. Why do these things happen to me?
Hahahahahahah!!!! Fellow raisins --- UNITE!!! LOL!!!!