Monday, April 21, 2008

I see old people

I had a massive collision with an old fart at the pool today. This guy really pisses me off. It's not the first encounter I've had with him either. Readers of my previous posts are familiar with the layout of the Sparwood pool and how all the old people come waltzing down the wheelchair ramp and then cross the lanes to get to the deeper side of the pool for water aerobics. They ALWAYS cross in the middle of the freaking lanes!!!!! They could ease themselves in any other way but nooooo, they just assume lane swim will stop just for them. For those of you who are unfamiliar with my situation, above is a diagram I took the liberty of drawing. DISCLAIMER -- I am not an artist, diagram is not drawn to scale. LOL!!!

As you can see there is only one lane roped off. Always. Well, virtually all the time. I didn't see the guy coming -- somehow he made it past the other lanes which had three other swimmers in them today. I was in the last lane swimming my sets and very much in the zone.

I've seen this dude trying to cross lanes before too. He tries to dive down underneath the lane ropes but only manages to float along at the surface with the lane ropes skimming his back. In his attempt to get to the deep end, he kept right on floating across my lane. I swam right into him and then over top of him. I saw him get all disoriented in the water, but I was so pissed, I just kept swimming. I HATE SWIMMING IN THE LAST LANE!! AAARRRGGHH! All the oldies walk there, or float around with pool noodles between their legs. And I am always on the lookout for some dimwit walking or just stopping to chat in front of me. WTF?????? Then I get the stink eye from the oldies because I have swam into them. This bunch in Sparwood are the most disrespectful group of seniors I have ever met in my life -- and believe me, I have met a lot. OK, I can't brand them ALL as evil -- there are just a core group of them that are real stinkers. I often wonder why they can't make the parallel as to what they would do if I just jumped into the middle of the deep end and started swimming amongst them in the middle of a water aerobics class. The crap would hit the fan I bet!!

So my focus is shot, I am mad, and I am getting angrier thinking how wrong it is that I just can't fricking swim during "Lane Swim." The old dude stayed out of the way for the rest of the time, and I ended up having a really good swim after all. But AAARRGGGHHHH!! Shouldn't someone explain to these guys pool etiquette?????

OK -- Gripe over. :) :)

Core work after, then a 2 hour rolling course bike ride. All in all -- a pretty good day. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Keith said...

Love the diagram! Sounds like these guys need to be tuned up. How be I come down there, take a week of vacation or so, turn the inner shark loose, and what's the line from Star Wars where Solo flips the bartender a coin and says something about a mess? I'd do it.

I once read about a swim drill called the Gordie Howe. The idea is to break old habits of swimming with a straight arm, so you pretend you're Gordie Howe going into the corners. Elbows out. Umm, wait, do you guys know who Gordie Howe is?

And you know, I don't mean to sound like a pervert or anything, but those pool noodle things just totally gross me out. Sure, they live in a chlorinated environment, but you couldn't pay me to touch one them given where they've been.

So now, here's the practical men side of my brain. I'm just assuming you've had a discussion with the pool staff about the situation? Since the mental model of the geezers is clearly contrary to plain evidence, you need to balance a sign on the lane ropes. Beware, shark xing might get their attention.

The surest sign of geezer-tude is that they've stopped learning from experience. Most people would clue in that the people in the swim lane are not to be trifled with. But they forget, so it's a new experience every time. Hey! Waitasec, that means you can do it to them over and over again, and they'll only complain about it as if it was a single occasion. Hmmmmmm.

Hmmm, pity it didn't happen when you were doing a fist drill.

And you did right to keep on swimming. If the pool staff ask if you had a problem, just say something like "oh yeah, got my fingers caught up in a hairball for a few strokes. You guys really need to clean the pool better."

And the "word" is rabygxle, which sounds like an aborted sneeze Jenna would do now that she's all stuffed up.

Julie said...

Hahahah Love it Keith!! Come on down -- man, I could sell tickets to see the shark versus the oldies... LOL!!!

runningman said...

LOL that sounds hilarious and very frustrating. Right now swimming at the Y, they see us "hard core" types and move to the other lane, it's quite nice. In the Bob Bahan pool I had similar frustrations, I'd usually fly by them, or just swim into them. Just consider it some good body contact training for IMC. :D Still frustrating though

qtlibrarian said...

First that diagram rocks! Second take the geezer down! Just because they are old does not mean they get to do what ever they want!

I second the brief chat with the lifeguard sometimes people need the authority of the whistle to get them in line

Charlie Browne said...

Oh my gosh...first the grocery store aisles and now the swimming pool lanes....what the hell are we going to do with just wondering when one classifies as a senior??...and i think you are an amazing artist!!...because i may actually draw worse than You!

Keith said...

Bob Bahan!!! That's the place I sideswiped a geezer big time.

What a crew of floaties there. I had to give up on that pool. The patrons there are total jerks.

Being a geezer isn't age. It's attitude.

runningman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
runningman said...

Yeah I hated the Bob Bahan pool, I had problems with a pool runner always wanting to go the wrong way. They have signs telling people the swimming etiquette you know swimming loops, but no one can seem to catch on. It drives me crazyyyyyy. keith you live in the NE? we should hook up for some rides this summer if so. Arg I was just trying to fix the spelling.

Keith said...

Runningman, I work in the NE, 27 Ave and 18 st or so, but live SW. I swim at Renfrew (the FOMC in my blog) Mon, Wed, Fri mornings.

Susi said...

julie, you need to check your geneology because i'm positive you and keith are related!! LOL. i used to have troubles with the wrinklies at thornhill pool - the slow lane there meant 'walk'. i kid you not. the odd time someone would walk across the lanes, which is when my friend jeff would mow them over. tee hee.

at the ywca you only have to deal with the odd, rather large, gack, hairballs, spew, that tend to chase you in the pool. hurl.

Kelly B. said...

Frrrrick...this one made me laugh and laugh!! I deal with seniors all day long...patience is key. But then I am getting paid to do it...BIG difference!! My best story so far is the old client that drove past the big sign in front of the parkade that said "monthly parking only - LOT FULL" Drove all the way up to a sign that said our firm's name. Parked there as he assumed it was for a parking ticket...brought it to us to PAY!!!!